Beyond Redemption
by Rae TB
Summary: Tala copes with being a cyborg who has lost his shot at salvation. He tries to help Kai achieve redemption, but how can he when he's no longer human? KaiTala


**Background: **Inspired from that episode toward the end of the first season...New And Cyber Improved. I haven't seen too much on Tala dealing with the issue of being a cyborg vs. his humanity etc...so I thought I'd give it a shot.

**Disclaimer: **The show isn't mine, the characters aren't mine, and I would be an absolutely pathetic individual if I DID own the show and was writing fanfiction based off of it anyway.

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**Humanity**. 

People throughout the centuries have tried to escape theirs...while I've spent my entire life trying to find it.

It is the one thing that was always elusive to me...even when I _was_ a human. We all struggle to find it at some point in time; we all struggle to find that one thing that makes us _alive_, that proves we're a person with a real soul. A few of us handle it in better ways than others. It's different for everyone. Some of us use eating disorders, others self harm...Sometimes, people just avoid life all together and escape into a different world entirely using drugs or alcohol. For the most part, each of us manages to find ourselves...very few of us are past the point of no return. There are always exceptions to the rule however; those rare cases where someone is _beyond_ saving, _beyond_ hope, _beyond_ redemption.

I am one of those people.

I used to have a chance for deliverance...but that was _before_...

_Before_ I stopped caring.

_Before_ I became Boris' pawn.

_Before_ I became a cyborg.

_Before _life as I knew it, changed foreverand the redemption I had desired was gone.

**Redemption**.

People throughout the centuries have tried in vain to achieve this...while I've given up on it.

I have lost my chance to be redeemed. Salvation is for humans and I am _not_ a human. Even when I _was_ a human, the pure soul I was born with was soon stained with the wickedness of my deeds. I lost my chance long before I became a cyborg; I lost my opportunity when I met him. He is one of those other few exceptions to the rule. He is also beyond hope for deliverance; beyond humanity itself...He is no human. He is a _monster_. He is the one known as Boris.

But my course set for hell is not his fault.

_I_ am the one that believed in his cause.

_I _am the one that followed him down the pathway to a black abyss.

_I _am the one that carried through his orders.

Even _his_ fingers are not stained crimson with blood. The blood of innocents; the blood of women, children, whole villages...

None the less, there is no hope for Boris. He had written his own fate in the book of life using the blood of others to inscribe it, and then he shut it for all eternity, never to open it again. Even if he wanted to rewrite the ending, he cannot. It is set in stone.

There is also no hope for Bryan, no hope for Spencer, and no hope for Ian. The only person I care about that still has hope is Kai. His past was black, but he can find a way out and reach the radiance at the end of the tunnel. He _always_ finds a way out. He is the _phoenix_, he is the _light, _he is capable of using his fire to free himself. Even looking in his eyes, I can see it...the flames flickering in his crimson depths, swaying hypnotically, _tauntingly_. The conflagration of Kai's spirit is the key; it can banish the darkness that consumes his soul. As long as that is still a part of him, as long as that inferno is never put out, there is a chance he can follow the light to his salvation. Then again...even if that blaze is extinguished, he can always burst forth from the ashes like the phoenix I know him to be.

I've seen him do it before, after all.

When Spencer had beaten him in battle, it was not the end, but rather the _beginning_.

He made a new start for himself.

In this way, Kai fascinates me to no end...He is beautiful but deadly, kind but harsh, gentle but dangerous. He is but an intangible _dream_ to me. He's something to look at...but not to touch, something to fantasize over, but never have. There's a barrier between us; he's divine, heavenly...a true creature of god, whereas I am a nobody. I can never have him...I'm not worthy. I would tarnish him. I would ruin all hopes he might have had for salvation.

So I stay away.

I _always_ stayed away.

Or at least...I _tried_ to.

I was perfectly fine with keeping away from him, perfectly fine with suffering in silence, with looking but never touching. But something I hadn't expected happened; _he_ came after _me_. The temptation was there, burning within the depths of his brilliant flames...he wanted me, and I wanted him. There shouldn't have been a problem. We should have gotten together, and lived happily ever after.

_Should_ have.

_Would_ have.

_Could_ have.

_Might_ have.

_Didn't_.

At first, his advances were miniscule and hard to spot. A hand brushing here, a hot breath on my cheek there, a snide comment...all were easily overlooked and ignored. Then things became more obvious. His hand would not just brush across mine, it would stay there. His breathing against my face would linger, and his comments became more and more suggestive.

I tried to avoid the attention no matter how badly I wanted it.

But Kai was the phoenix, Kai was the light...Kai was _temptation_. He could not go on ignored for long.

Little by little I began to respond to his flirtatious ways. And little by little, I began to regret it. All I was doing was holding Kai back, and Kai was not something to restrain. He deserved to be able to soar freely and reach his full potential. If allowed to fly without me, he would be able to touch the sky with his wings of conflagration and let them kiss the sky, leaving a blazing trail behind him and lighting the sky with fire. Most importantly...he deserved to have a clean soul, void of the sins that blemished the one I had once had.

I tried to wean myself off of him, but he was like a drug: _my_ drug. To make matters worse, once again _he_ came to _me_.

Then came the day...the day where he finally walked up to me, and kissed me.

I made a grave mistake; I kissed back.

His lips were as every bit as heated as I had expected them to be. They seemed to melt my ice cold jaw and liberate my frozen heart. I felt some of my sin being taken away in that passionate lip lock; taken away, and given to Kai. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was already soiling Kai, but I couldn't stop. His silky tongue and his warm hands that burned my flesh with the fervent flames of longing kept me in place, and I found myself cornered, overcome by these new emotions.

When he asked me to belong to him and him alone, when he asked me to be his...I was flustered, breathless, and at a loss for any coherent thought. I followed my emotions, and they led me astray, straight into the arms of grave mistake number two; I said yes. The situation just worsened with every day, with every breath, with every loving kiss. I had to do something...even if I shattered his heart, I would save his soul and he'd still have a chance for salvation. And so...I attempted to do just that; cause him to burn up in flames, and thus bring about the revival of the phoenix.

It's not a day I remember fondly...but I don't entirely regret it. He's better off without me. What Kai needs is a human...and I am _not_ a human. Right before I broke up with him, we had been kissing every bit as passionately as the day we got together. I pulled away and stared into his eyes, searching for something. Yet another grave mistake on my part. What I saw made me hesitate. With Kai emotion is like an explosion; there is only one second to gaze upon its brilliance before it disappears. If I want to catch his sentiment, I have to catch it quickly. I saw confusion first and foremost...a bit of hurt, and then nothing. The blast had ended and he was protected by masks once more. It was that tiny glimmer of hurt that had caused me to pause before collecting myself enough to continue.

"Kai...look...I think...I think we should stop seeing each other," I muttered, watching him tense. For a minute I could have sworn I saw a flame flare in his gaze, the beginning of a second explosion...but I was probably just deceiving myself.

"Is there any particular reason why?" he inquired stoically. I had caught him off guard, but he had composed himself once more.

"There's still hope for you...for your soul...There's a chance for it to be cleansed. You have a shot at salvation Kai, just take it," I begged, obviously confusing him.

"Tala...You're acting ridiculous..." Kai frowned, stepping forward cautiously. I hated to see him like this...a frown didn't suit him, not at all. It marred his perfect features and made me guilty a thousand times over. But I knew this had to be done...no matter how many frowns graced his lips throughout it.

"Am I Kai?" I choked. "Am I really?...You know what I say to be the truth," I hissed as Kai stiffened.

"If my 'salvation' means so much to you...why don't _you_ be my redemption?" Kai questioned in obvious frustration. He never was good with feelings, and I was forcing him to meet them head on.

"Redemption..." I choked. "Is for humans...I am no human. I cannot earn it, I cannot be it..."

"Now you're just being stupid," Kai growled out in his typical attempt at comforting someone.

"I'm being stupid?...I'm not a human anymore Kai...not...not after the surgery," I croaked. "I'm a cyborg..."

The blunette took a single step forward, resting his hand over my chest, "Your heart is beating," he stated matter-of-factly as I raised a brow.

"Well DUH-"

"You're made of flesh, blood, and bones... you have a heartbeat. That's human enough for me."

"You don't understand!" I cried. "I...I'm a monster..."

"I see no monster Tala...just you," Kai sighed, obviously growing more and more uncomfortable as the conversation commenced. This was most definitely not his forte.

"After you left Kai...Boris he...he ordered us to kill innocents. I slaughtered women, children...whole villages...even before I was a cyborg, I was no human," I muttered. Kai's eyes widened before narrowing considerably, taking in what I was saying. Slits of fiery crimson focused in on me, burning through my soul.

"So, you did some bad things years ago?...Take a number and get in line...we've all done something we regret. You might care about saving my soul from rotting away in hell, but I am no better than you. If you're beyond deliverance, so am I."

"Kai you... you just don't get it!" I shouted as he took my wrist in his soft grasp.

"You're right...I don't. All I know is that this...us...together...it feels right," he breathed, leaning in to press our lips together to prove his point.

"No Kai...this...us...together...it's wrong, it's all wrong," I frowned, pulling my hand and head away and narrowly managing to avoid the kiss. I didn't want to make this more painful than it already was. I didn't want to feel his searing kiss for days afterward, or remember how amazing it was. "From now on...our relationship is to be nothing more than that of rivals as it was when we first met. You have your team...I have mine...Just...stay out of my mind, my world, and my life..." I hissed with venom I didn't mean in the slightest.

"Is that what you really want?" Kai questioned quietly.

"Yes...yes it is...Goodbye Kai..." I mumbled, turning my back on him. I didn't want to drag this out, or see any hurt or anger that may have been there. I ran away from him, away from the lies, away from the pain attached to them, and away from the one that I loved...the one that I will never stop loving.

To this day, I still watch him from afar, simply waiting.

Waiting, and hoping for the day where the sky will be aflame with the fire of his wings as they embrace the clouds. Waiting and hoping for the day he can find his redemption in someone else.

Redemption in someone better, someone that isn't a cyborg.

After all, redemption is for humans.

And I am _not_, nor will I _ever_ be a human.

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Well, so ends my first fic with this couple. I don't normally write TalaKai or KaiTala fics. I mean, I more than see how the pairing works. There are tons of hints, their personalities just WORK, and they are insanely **_HOT_** together...I just struggle writing them because I can't really relate to them as characters. This is my first time writing these two in couple form, and as such my self confidence is kinda' shaky. But I think it turned out well personally!...considering this is myfirst one and all.I have about four documents with the start of a TalaKai or KaiTala that never got done. This one is the result of much head banging and I can't tell you how happy I am it FINALLY worked out. 

To be honest, the reason I wrote this pairing is because I was blackmailed. T.T my friend told me either I try something new and expand instead of continuously doing Brooklyn fic after Brooklyn fic, or she'd destroy my CDs...WHICH SHE STOLE! ...But this was the pairing she insisted on. I probably won't be writing these two again unless I'm inspired...or if she takes my CDs again, or refuses to give them back of course. T.T If the ending was too sad for you, don't worry, knowing her she'll hate the ending and DEMAND a sequel. XD;;;

I can't help it if it ended up angsty. That's my specialty. Ahh well, I'm going to go search for a KaiTala or TalaKai fic to read so all you experts out there can show me how it's done. XD It's not that I think this fic is poorly written. It might not be as good as my others, but that's just because I'm more passionate about fics focusing on say...Brooklyn. I figure after reading how some other people characterize these two, I might be able to do something bigger and better next time. Thanks for reading and bye for now!


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